Welcome, welcome, welcome!! I am so happy and honored that you’re “here”, as I share with you a snippet of my journey these last almost 2 years. I’ll make it brief here, but I’ll come back and fill in blanks as we go.
However it’s not so much about me, but rather my hope in sharing my story is that YOU will come to find HOPE in your life, even amongst the dimmest or darkest places within your life. God loves each one of this, I know for certain. He gives us hope. He has a plan.
Emmanual. It means, God is with us. And truly, he is. That’s what Christmas is all about. Our everlasting promise of HOPE.
Rewind to two years ago, I was in the “business” of the season, preparing for Christmas and the holidays as I was every year since I was a baby. We had wonderful celebrations, all together with family and loved ones. A new year came, 2020, my kids were in school all day every day for the first time in years, and my business was off to a record setting year. In the first two weeks of January I closed 4 months’ worth of sales. I was regularly working out, doing yoga, skiing with my kids (the first year my youngest off the “training ropes” and independent…proud mommy indeed), working hard and juggling the bazillion balls that all working mommas do. Life was good. Being “perfectly” healthy, ok maybe a few LBS over my pre-prego weight, but hardly ever getting sick, my biggest problem was that I was constantly running on fumes. And chronically deficient of Vit D (more on that another day).
Mid month, I suddenly fell ill. I’d been to yoga that morning, took work home that evening as I was feeling a little off, to “work from home” Wednesday as I didn’t want to spread germs if I indeed was sick. My teeth hurt to bite into anything by Wednesday morning. Weird. I had no congestion, just an odd pain in my teeth and not right. School moms backed up when they saw me… apparently I LOOKED awful, although I didn’t feel that bad… YET. I made a doctor appointment for Thursday since it was such an odd feeling (and they were booked up that entire day)… they thought maybe a sinus infection (something I hadn’t had for 20+ years, and weird since no congestion). Wednesday afternoon, I dropped my daughter at gymnastics but literally was unable to pick her up 2 hours later… I was that bad. High fever. 102-103, unable to control it even alternating meds. Aches and pains. General malaise. Thank God my hubby was home earlier than usual that night, and he took care of dinner. Looking back, I couldn’t even remember what we did for dinner that night or if I made something or what.
The next days were horrible… by a miracle of God I got myself to and from the doctor that next day. Driving there I realized I probably shouldn’t be driving. All I wanted to do was sleep. They tested for for flu, strep, you name it. All negative. “It’s as if you have the flu but you don’t. It must be a bad virus.” I was prescribed tamiflu and sent home. Falling asleep in the office first, they came in and awoke me. Ok… that is so NOT like me. Again, somehow each day I woke up in time to get the kids to school, and picked up from the bus. I wasn’t doing ANY other of my mom duties I usually did. Other than that, I hardly remember much at all. Other than telling my family to stay away from me. And everything “tasting like paper”… I’d lost my taste. None of us knew what this meant at this point…. I’m pretty sure you do.
Friday my GI system started up, visiting the bathroom hourly to put it nicely. I had something that felt like what I’m guessing a hemorrhoid would feel like? I don’t know, but it was PAINFUL. I scheduled another doctor appointment for Monday as they were booked for that day. The bathroom trips were uncontrollable by Saturday. Immodium didn’t touch it. This went on for 3 days. 24/7.
Monday 5 am. This is a time that’s appropriate to call people, right? It was in my mind! I started calling my acupuncturist, a GI doctor, my pharmacist friend, my own doctor. I was desperate. I couldn’t understand why the GI doctor, whom I’d never even called before, hadn’t gotten back to me by 5:30am. My doctor and friend both told me to go to the ER. I woke my hubby and said we need to go. My parents came quickly for the kids, and off we went. Arriving to the ER, I remember a nice, older gentleman coming out to the car. I assured him I could walk, but I am pretty sure he got a wheelchair and had me sit. After that, I have glimpses of memories. A nurse asking me questions (very strange ones in my mind). Having a port put in (thinking that I was sitting on the floor leaned up against the wall of a waiting room.. my hubby assured me I was in a bed in a room by this time). The wrong ambulance coming and being annoyed by that (it was already evening). Being told, and feeling relieved, that they were taking me to the main hospital. Little did I know that it would be nearly 2 months before I’d get to go home. GET to. By a miracle. And by the many many medical professionals who cared for me. I am alive purely by God’s grace.
The many many many procedures and surgeries I had, the rehabilitation, the PT and OT, dealing with lost fingers and toes, you name it. I experienced excruciating pain … I pray most never will. I surely suffered. However, I was able to go through it all with grace because none of it compares to the joy I have. The joy of being alive. The joy of KNOWING that God held me, little old me, in his hand. When I awoke in ICU, I remember saying to my dad, “God held me. I’m ok. God has a plan”. Indeed.
Then, we didn’t know about COVID. We didn’t know the darkness a pandemic brings to the world. Which makes my message ever more pertinent. God indeed has a plan. Not just for ME, but for each of us.
My hope and my prayer for you this holiday season is that you experience and feel the HOPE and LOVE that God brings to all. Emmanuel. God is with us. God has a plan. For you.
Love & blessing,
Robin 🙂
